Permission to be Human

Are you like me, someone who wasted way too much time, money, and energy trying to be perfect?

For awhile, I played the “blame game;” I blamed it on the way I was raised, my culture, and the media. Eventually I stopped entertaining those notions and woke up to who I really was. What happened next was life changing! The same voice that repeated the “self-pity” story stopped and changed its title to “self-love”.

I got tired of listening to my own “poor me” story and wanted a new one, the one that sounded something like… “Who the heck cares, you are special and it’s time to explore that!”

In other words, my inner voice demanded that I stop trying to be what I wasn’t and just be Debbie.

What an eye opener!

Instead of looking for something to make me feel or look perfect, I began to search within to find my answers. Like one of my great-great-great grandfathers who was an Italian voyager, I embarked on my own expedition in search of gifts and treasures that were unique— things rare and “awesome.” Unlike him, who ended up falling in love with a tribe leader’s daughter in Cebu (one of the Islands of Philippines), on my journey, I ended up falling in love with me, myself, and I.

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Yes, I can easily say that I am in love with myself and the kind of person that I’ve become.

The “I’m not good enough” has become “not so bad” or even “Wow, oh yeah!”

Now this love affair, like any other, has its ups and downs because “life happens” and the old “poor me” story seem to show up so much quicker than the “you got this” one. But what I can tell you is that there is nothing like having the self-compassion towards yourself to caress and push you through tough times. Having self-compassion for myself has taught me to give myself “permission to be human,” a phrase that I learned from my Positive Psychology teacher and previous Harvard Professor, Tal Ben Sha-Har Ph.D. It has also given me the courage to stop trying to be perfect.

I learned so much about myself on this road of discovery that it inspired my signature program, The Path to Being A.W.E.S.O.M.E™ (authenticity, wonderment, empowerment, self-compassion, optimism, mindfulness, & enjoyment) to help today’s women discover, define and declare who they are so that they can live their best life with greater ease and grace.

Researcher Kristen Neff Ph.D. stated in her book Self-Compassion, “Self-compassion provides an island of calm, a refuge from the stormy seas of endless positive and negative self-judgment, so that we can finally stop asking, ‘Am I as good as they are? Am I good enough?’” Further she said, “By tapping into our inner well-springs of kindness, acknowledging the shared nature of our imperfect human condition, we can start to feel more secure, accepted, and alive.” She said that in many ways, self-compassion is like magic due to its ability to turn suffering into joy.

How about you?

Are you ready to get to know and fall in love like me and allow more self-compassion into your life?
Here are two ways to begin your path to self-compassion so that you can stop trying to be perfect and start being your awesome self.

1. Write done your strengths. To find out what they are, ask yourself what you are naturally good at and love learning more about? Those are your strengths. Write down as many as you can and look at them often. Celebrate them and do more and more activities that make them even stronger.

2. When you make an “oops” recognize it, breath, and give yourself “permission to be human.” Mistakes are golden learning moments that made us even better at what we do. Failures or mistakes are important to learn from. I bet you didn’t know that when Edison was trying to invent the light bulb, it took him almost 1,000 tries until he created it. When a reporter asked him about the 1,000 mistakes, Edison replied that he did not fail 1,000 times, but rather he successfully learned 1,000 ways not to make a light bulb.

Enjoy these practices and I hope that they can save you valuable time, money, and energy so that you can enjoy being your awesome self instead of trying to be perfect.

If you need support and coaching on how to stop trying to be perfect and start being your awesome self and want to learn to cultivate more self-compassion, contact me at today. To learn more about The Path to Being A.W.E.S.O.M.E™ Program and the list of my services, visit
I’ll see you there. Until then, much love to you.

This is Debbie Lyn Toomey your Health and Happiness Specialist™ wishing you an awesome day.